Believe

I wrote this one when I was beginning to get too comfortable with teaching that I wanted to forego my graduate studies in UP. Unconsciously, I was building a comfort zone. I would justify to myself that taking a masters degree in Cebu while teaching 8 math subjects to an average of 480 students a week, is the selfless and most responsible thing to do. No matter how I justify it though, it all simplifies to one thing: I was scared shitless. I was scared of failure. I have wanted to study in UP since I was in high school and was afraid that I might realize that I was never good enough for my dreams. However, when it reached the point that I was slowly complying with the requirements of a graduate school in Cebu, alarm bells went off. And selflessness be damned. I ripped off the page where this poem was written, kept it in my pocket and decided to fly to Manila right after summer classes was over. I guess it was just appropriate that the last class I taught that summer was Mathematical Logic.

That was almost five years ago. I finished my masters degree already, passed SOA exams but can't seem to find the work I want. I am scared again; plus maybe, a little bored, depressed and hopeless. Pretty strong feelings, right? Yep, and negative and useless because when totalled, I am still jobless. I guess it's about time that I start believing again.

~0~0~

Move in tune

with the song

of the earth.

Dance with the

tulips and let

the sun admire

your grace

and the moon envy

your youth.

Believe Mae and

the wind, earth,

water and fire

will conspire with you,

with your dreams...